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Today is hump-day. Wednesday. Why do we call Wednesday hump-day? Why not hill-day, halfway-day, or mid-day? Mainly because we like to say ‘hump’ for the same reason you liked it when your fifth grade teacher said 'sex.' It kind of makes you want to laugh. Ha, she said hump-day! And not only that, but in the work place you can’t usually run around talking about things that involve hump or any other synonym you can think of. Being able to say hump-day gives a little relief. You laugh inside, and feel like you are getting away with some dirty words in the work place. You’re pretty sly. But I’m not here to talk about hump-day. Rather another hump we are all too familiar with, the leg hump. Dogs humping legs, what a repulsive thought. It’s gross, odd, and even embarrassing if your leg is the lucky one. Why do dogs hump legs? Of course the obvious answer is they are confused. They see a leg, think (what they think is still up for debate amongst most leg humping experts), next you think know the dog is on your leg treating it like a 6 year-old boy on the penny horse at the grocery store. So you give the dog a few swift kicks and off he sails. The next thing to do is look around and make sure you aren’t getting any attention. Because being the center of leg hump attention is not attention that anyone can turn into a good situation. What are you going to do act like you enjoyed it? No. Act like you were doing it for the dog? No. Chase the dog? When the 'lip stick' pops out and dog wants to hump, you're at his mercy. The one with the chosen leg truly is a victim. You can’t under any circumstance look good before, during, a while a dog is ‘having his way’ with your leg. This all seems very funny to me because after many nights in college clubs I see humans doing the same exact thing. Us, leg humpers, like the filthy dogs? You be the judge…A guy sees a girl on the dance floor, next thing you know he is doing what we cordially can “the grind”, but don’t kid yourself this is just a fancy word for the leg hump. “Yeah, man I was grinding with her pretty hard.” That’s what us guys say to impress our friends. “I was grinding pretty darn hard.” Interpretation: “Her leg took a good rodgering all night long, and I kept to the beat.” So why do dogs hump legs? For the answer, I could only look at my own experiences. Why do humans hump legs? We find this a good way to impress the 'humpee' and if all goes well the leg hump will turn into a little more. Which is pretty disturbing. I rub up on some girl in a ‘hump like’ motion and she will find this attractive and want to take me home...Probably not going to find Mrs. Right with this tactic, but Mrs. RightNow seems to think the grind is the biggest turn on ever. I see the dog as no different from us guys, we leg hump hoping for a bit more, but probably not going to get what we really want |
